On Majesty and Being Lost
by shadeslayerprincess111
Summary: In which Fili and Kili loose their way to Mr. Boggin's house and learn a thing or two about beer, hobbits, doing dishes, and Thorin's majesty. Oneshot (NO SLASH)


They were only _slightly _lost, and only _slightly _drunk.

It had been Kili's idea. He claimed they were way too early to be polite, although Fili knew he just wanted to test out Bofur's theory of hobbit ale. He said, however, that they should "experience hobbit hospitality" and have a drink now so as not to drink all of their host's and wait a little longer. Fili had agreed, on the pretense that they only have one drink.

Nearly two hours later and a lot more than one drink later, Fili and Kili stumbled from the tavern and into the cool night air.

"Hobbits sure are nice, aren't they?" He said, grinning stupidly.

"You mean hobbit lasses are nice. Honestly, Kee, you could flirt with an elf!"

Kili shrugged. "I can't help it. Females are just attracted to me." Fili shook his head as his brother started down the path, but he stopped. "Which way is it again?"

"I though you knew." Fili hiked his pack up higher on his shoulders.

"_Me_? Why should _I _know?" Kili accused. "_You're _the older one. I have no idea."

Fili resisted the temptation to face palm. "I knew something like this was going to happen. If we don't show up on time, Uncle will probably just send us home." Fili plopped down in defeat on the bench outside the tavern. Kili sunk down next to him. "Why did you ever suggest getting drunk?" He mumbled.

"Me? It was your idea!" Fili cried.

"No, it wasn't!"

"Yes, it was!"

"No, it wasn't!"

"_Yes, it was!_"

"I don't care whose fault I was, let's just find the darn house." Kili sighed.

"You just don't want to admit it was your idea." Fili muttered. Kili shot him a glare.

"No, I just think we should focus on. What would Uncle Thorin do in this situation?"

"…He would probably ask for directions…" Fili said offhandedly.

"Alright, so we should go back inside. I'm sure someone can tell us the way to Mr. … Mr. … Mr. Boggins's house?"

"I'm pretty sure its Baggins, Kili."

"Well, _I'm _pretty sure its Boggins."

"Gandalf said he lived at a place called Bag End. Why would his name be Boggins if he named his house Bag End?" Fili interjected.

Kili shrugged. "How should I know? I'm not a hobbit. And I'm positive it's Boggins."

Fili groaned, and rubbed his forehead. "You're being difficult, Kee."

"You sound like Mum."

"Well, maybe Mum was right."

"No, I'm right. It's Boggins." Kili stretched out his legs. "Man, I'm starving. This meeting better not be canceled. We spent all our money on ale. And if hobbit food is as good as hobbit ale, then I can't wait."

"We have to get there first." Fili decided not to restart the-whose-idea-it-was-to-have-a-drink-argument.

"Right, so don't you go ask for directions?"

"Me? Why me?" Fili jumped up from the bench.

"Because you're lost."

"So are you." Fili reminded him.

"Yeah, but you're older."

"Which means I have seniority."

Kili snorted. "So?"

"So I'm telling _you _to go inside and ask for directions."

"Nope." Kili said simply. He began humming nonchalantly and admiring the stars, a smug look on his face.

Fili groaned mentally. His little brother was all too good at this.

Reluctantly, he got up and went back inside, and asked for directions to Bag End, not ready to admit defeat in the Baggins/Boggins debate. They found their way to the hobbit hole, Gandalf's mark proving very helpful.

"I hope we're not too late." Kili said, suddenly looking nervous. Fili gulped. The quest hadn't even officially begun, and already they had messed up.

"Just remember how Mum told us to introduce ourselves." Fili said, and rang the bell. He then noticed his brother. Kili cleared his throat, straightened his shoulders, tipped his chin slightly upward, and started solemnly at the door.

"Kee, what are you doing?" Fili asked softly, trying not to laugh at how ridiculous his brother looked.

"Um, breathing…?"

"No, why do you look like you are you trying to imitate Uncle Thorin?"

"What are you talking about? I'm just standing here." Kili said. Fili smirked.

"No, you're trying to be like Uncle Thorin."

"Fee, I'm just standing here!" Kili said defensively.

"No. You're trying to be _majestic_." Fili couldn't hide his grin.

"What? No I'm not!"

Before any on them could say anything else, the door opened, revealing a much frazzled looking hobbit. He made a small noise of annoyance. Fili caught sight of Kili's ridiculous expression, and tried not to laugh as he introduced himself.

"Fili."

Kili followed suit. "And Kili." He said, looking more like Thorin.

They bowed. "At your service." They said together. Fili elbowed his brother in the ribs, making Kili's façade slip. They straightened, and Kili, on the verge of giggling, smirked. "You must be Mr. Boggins!" He crowed.

"No, you can't come in, you've come to the wrong house!" The hobbit protested. Fili shot Kili a smug glance to tell him it wasn't Mr. Boggins, but his brother was already struggling against the closing door, his puppy like expression reminding Fili that if this didn't work, they were skipping supper.

"What? Has it been canceled?" He said, genuinely concerned and now thinking only of his dinner.

"No one told us." Fili was pretty hungry too, and besides, he could hear Dwain rumbling inside.

The hobbit looked somewhat annoyed. "No, nothings been canceled!" He sputtered.

"Well, that's a relief!" Kili said, barging rudely inside. Fili followed suit, handing off his collection of knives to their newly discovered host. He was the prince of Durin, after all. Kili sauntered in, scraping his boots on what didn't appear to be for such a purpose, sending Mr. Boggins into a tizzy, another thing Kili appeared not to notice. The two brothers were welcomed by Dwalin and Balin, thankfully the only other dwarves there.

"We beat Uncle Thorin!" Kili hissed to Fili.

The next hour passed in a blur after the rest of the company and Gandalf arrived. By the time they had their way with the hobbit's pantry and barrels of beer, Thorin still hadn't arrived.

"He must be lost." Kili remarked, after most of the eating was done.

"Don't be silly. Thorin Oakensheild doesn't just get _lost_." Fili retorted. They watched in good spirits as Ori approached their host with his empty plate.

"Remember how we used to clean up at home?" Kili asked, smiling wryly and wiggling his eyebrows at Fili. His brother groaned.

"Not the song! We broke so much of Mum's plates, she was about to throw us out of the house." Fili remarked. "But we got pretty good at it." He got to his feet, and stepped towards Ori and Mr. Boggins. "Here you go, Ori. Give it to me." He took the plate and tossed it to Kili, and so began the process of thoroughly mucking up the process of cleaning the kitchen. Mr. Boggins was in such a state when it was over, that only when there was a knock on the door did the raucous laughter end.

"He's here." Gandalf said solemnly, going to the foyer. The twelve dwarves and the hobbit followed him, crowding into the foyer.

"Gandalf." Kili heard the familiar rumble of his uncle's voice. "I thought you said this place would be easy to find." Thorin said, sauntering in. "I lost my way. Twice." Kili nudged Fili violently, smirking. Fili scowled, and elbowed him as Thorin gave them a nod and a majestic smile.

"He really did get lost!" Kili hissed.

"Shut up!" Fili whispered. He shook his head, but grinned. Kili may be a far cry from living up to their uncle's majesty, but he was just as good at getting lost.


End file.
